What happens when somewhere along the road you realize you've lost something? Something incredibly important? Something you can not live without? What happens when you come to the realization that you've lost track of the real you?

You get mad! You get angry! Your heart hurts so bad it feels like your going to die! Every single thing you thought you knew suddenly feels foreign!

Join me as I walk down this path of self enlightenment!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Fork in the Road


What happens when somewhere along the road you realize you've lost something? Something incredibly important? Something you can not live without? What happens when you come to the realization that you've lost track of the real you?

You get mad! You get angry! Your heart hurts so bad it feels like your going to die! Every single thing you thought you knew suddenly feels foreign!

Once you've calmed down you make a rational decision to find yourself. Knowing that what you find may in fact not be what you remember! Knowing that over the past few years you've changed drastically some of which has been by choice, and some of which was forced upon you. Your heart becomes tragically aware that some of the people that have been in your life may not be at your side in the end, and hope that maybe some of the relationships you've lost will become repaired somewhere along the difficult road you're about to embark on.

You hope and pray that you have the strength to tear down the walls you've built up so high blocking everyone out, including yourself! You hope that the person you discover is an individual that you'd be proud of knowing and bringing along for this wonderful rid called life.

Recently I have been forced to see that something has changed. I'm fighting with people that I never fought with before, and getting along with people I had a difficult time putting up with in the past. I took an afternoon to evaluate the past few years of my life, and became dreadfully sensitive to the number of life changing events I've experienced.

Which opened my eyes to a whole new reality. How could I still be living my life as though now of these events had occurred? How could I have lived through these occurrences and not changed? How could I expect happiness to find me when I didn't even know where I was? Or better yet how could I expect friends and family to love and care for a total stranger?

The answer was exceptionally simple, I couldn't! And that is why I've decided to take a few months to break down calmly and rationally the events that have brought me to where I stand today, to evaluate my relationships, and start the difficult and painful task of getting to know and accept myself!

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